Giving Up

I'm not entirely sure I have the words to write what I want to write. My heart hurts for the pain of the world, and more selfishly, for the personal challenges I’m facing. Where do you find the words and actions to make things better when it’s so hard to find the good?

I’ll start off by saying I hate change. I am stubborn and would much rather just keep doing things as they always have been than to change things. And when some things are so bright and beautiful (or when you only choose to see that side of things) it’s hard to make the changes for an even brighter future. But change finds us whether we want it to or not. It’s in the sudden meeting in a co-worker's office to hear that she is leaving. It’s in the actions of someone who only feels hatred for others. Change finds us and we get no choice. We can only pause for so long to mourn the change before we have to keep going again.

But to keep going is hard. When things in the world seem to get only blacker, how do you find the light to keep going? 

The last few weeks have been hard both in my personal life and in the world at large. Though I'm generally a cheerful person, it's been very hard to find things to smile about on a daily basis because of all the hurt. This morning I was feeling especially defeated, but I crawled out of bed in the darkness and got dressed in my running clothes nonetheless. I’m not going to get to the finish line of that half marathon by sleeping for an hour more—I have to put one foot in front of the other and keep running. Even when it’s dark out; even when the rain is pouring down; even when I’m tired. My thoughts were spinning for the pain of the world and my own challenges. I was over halfway through my run when I felt tired and stressed and so unsure that I could finish. As the rain streamed down, I contemplated just giving up.

But that’s when it came to me: the illustration to inspire me to keep going, both in that moment and in my life as a whole. As a runner, you only get stronger by continuing to run even when you think you can’t go on. It’s a challenge to go farther, but there’s a quote that says “Your legs are not giving out. Your head is giving up. Keep going.” By continuing to run even when it feels impossible, you get stronger and can run farther. It doesn’t make it any easier, but your mind is weaker than your body.

So that is my meditation for today and the days ahead, when life seems to get me down with the darkness and hurt surrounding me: just keep running, knowing that it will be worth it in the end. Push through the negativity and voices telling me to just give up and keep going to that finish line—whatever that may look like. That’s when I can see how much stronger I have become and the impressive distance I've covered. All because I refused to give up.